Three Reasons to Hate Asterix

I read all kind of comics. My top 10 comics consists of Japanese Manga , American superheroes, and Franco-Belgian comics. As long as it is a good read, I'd give my thumbs up!

There is this one very famous Franco-Belgian comics; on par with Tintin, Spirou & Fantasio, and the Smurfs; the comic that no matter how hard I tried to love it, I still hate it until today: Asterix by Goscinny and Uderzo. At first, I couldn't pointed out why exactly I hate that comic. Fortunately, now I can. So, let's get started, these are 3 main reasons why I hate this comic ....

Oh yeah, one last thing, there are still many small details of this comic that annoys me. I only list these 3 because they are the primary reasons.

1) No danger, no suspense

For those who have no idea about Asterix, basically this is a comic about a Celtic village in ancient France during the late Roman Republic. After the Roman Republic crushed the last Celtic resistant in the battle of Alesia to be more precise. This village managed to defy Roman rule due to the magic potion created by their resident druid, Panoramix/Getafix. The magic potion basically makes its user temporarily super-strong, super-fast, and invulnerable. Asterix sidekick, Obelix, has no need to drink that potion, because he drank the whole cauldron when he was very small, so he permanently has those superpowers. And ... everything went downhill after that.

Seriously, if you were a member of a village of supermen, with enemies armed only with spears and swords, life is not hard at all. This is one tricky part of writing a superhero story. If the superpower is too powerful, you take out all the suspense from it! You don't care anymore, since the enemy pose ZERO threat to the hero!  Every single Asterix comic book, I must emphasize here: EVERY SINGLE ONE, full with Asterix and Obelix sending Roman soldiers flying with their fist, while Roman swords, arrows, and spears can't even scratch their skin. It get's old quite fast. After 2 books, I start to snore. It is like reading a story about an expert ninja, master of illusion , hand-to-hand combat, projectile throwing, magic, and all other ninja stuffs, veteran of fighting against anything from the most vicious warlords to demon hordes ... only to fight a gang of primary-school bullies who cries whenever they see blood. In the end, the ninja won, and beat every single bully of the story. Boo-hoo, what a surprise! And this happens THROUGHOUT the series! I don't know about you, but I just can't stand the boredom.

And boredom is not the only thing that those magic potion created.

2) They are just a group of bullies.

After sometime, I also realize that they had gone too far in describing the relationship between Asterix and the Romans. Just like the writers of "Tom & Jerry" and "Bugs Bunny," which I despise wholeheartedly, they turn the victim into bullies. They repeatedly BEAT UP ANY ROMAN ARMY THEY MET, often without provocation, often definitely not out of self-defense, but for petty excuses.

If that is not bullying, I don't know what is.

Once again "It is cute and funny if the bully is the underdog (People from small village fighting against the Roman Legions.)." 

No it is not. Bullying is bullying, and disgusting.as hell.

And as my #1 pointed out, they are NOT the underdogs. Their superpower took out that status since book #1. Underdog or not, they are plain and simple bullies.

3) Because their enemies are stupid
Both #1 & #2 are reinforced by the stupidity of the Romans. Seriously, if I were the Romans, I would poison the village with the most lethal poison available. Just poison their wine or food before the feast that routinely done. Once everyone is dead, the Romans can turn the village into anything they like.

Or just poison Obelix and Panoramix. Without them, no superpower. Without any superpower, wiping out the village with conventional means would be a cakewalk.

Or what about this, kidnap Falbala, the girl that Obelix (and Asterix to lesser degree) has crush on, so Asterix & Obelix rush to save her, while Panoramix is attending one of the druid meeting. Crush the village during the window time when those 3 are not in the village. If they kept spare magic potion, make sure they waste it using feign attack(s). After finishing the village, than eliminate the 3 survivors one by one. THAT is what we call "defeat in detail" ladies and gentlemen!

Bottom line: There are SOO MANY other methods to neutralize the village, but did the Roman tries? Nope, because they are all stupid. 


So, in essence, it is excruciatingly hard to LIKE a comic whose heroes are just mega-powerful bullies, and the antagonists are not that bright.

Some Crossovers I Really Want

We have tons of franchises and heroes. And we all love crossover, just check how much money The Avengers made. So, like everyone else, I have my own list of crossovers that needs to be done. And here ... we ... GO!

Norman Stansfield vs The Joker
Media: Movie

I already mentioned this in my Top 10 Villains article. So let me elaborate this ...

First, Stansfield was transferred to Gotham city. There, our junkie-corrupt cop visited every single mobs. Imagine their face when they saw Stansfield coming into their house playing Beethoven on his iPod. First they laughed at him. "DEA? Who do you think I am?" said them while belittling the drug addict Stansfield. That is only 2 seconds before Stansfield kicks their ass so hard until they vomit their appendix, scaring those mafia boss shitless. Stansfield will sit on top of the drug business in matter of DAYS if not hours.

Second, every single mafia boss who were still breathing resented this psycho DEA who butchered some of their best men and now squeezed their money like an orange for breakfast. Enter the Joker to the picture. Then we will see Gotham on fire. Unlike Batman, Stansfield won't give a shit about innocence life. Maybe he will even blow up half of Gotham and blame the Joker for it. Maybe after they met eye-to-eye they decide that this is TOO MUCH FUN, so they will obliterate the whole East-Coast while hearing Beethoven.

This time we can use the tagline "Whoever wins, we lose" accurately!

Punisher vs Batman 
Media: Movie
Yes, I know, there is at least 2 comics that already did this. But seriously, this crossover needs a big-screen treatment! Seriously, despite the similarity of their profession, the difference between these 2 are so contrast One is a sadistic vigilante, the other is a vengeful crusader. One is a gun-maniac, the other has strict no-gun policy. And so on. When both of them met, I am 1000% sure it will be interesting.

For the story, just say Ra's Al Ghul wants to slaughter every single human being in Gotham, just like in the Dark Knight trilogy. Somehow, Barracuda who heard something fishy about to happened in Gotham tried to used it for his own advantage, and the Punisher is in hot pursuit. After that, we witness how they become aware about the presence of the others,

Punisher starts killing every single League of Shadows member he encounters, especially after he know their history. He also swears to end Ra's reign for good. Batman, not so happy about it, will try to reason with Frank Castle, but his priority is still to stop Ra's genocide. On the other hand, after come into agreement for a cooperation, Ra's and Barracuda will betray each other back and forth, and for the climax ... does a 4-way fight on top of Wayne manor sounds good enough? To top it, in the end Frank Castle is forced to spare Ra's, while Batman has to kill Barracuda to save millions.

That would be BAD-ASS!


(Any) Gundam vs Xenogears
Media: Anime or Video Game

Admit it, if you are a giant-robot geek, you want this too!

For the story, I don't give a damn, I just want to see a Gundam fighting Xenogear, just put any story from any "Super Robot Wars" to this crossover! 

Just give me beam blaster vs Ether fight!

Star Wars vs Star Craft
Media: Video Game or Movie
You maybe wonder why from all sci-fi crossover, I pit Star Wars against Star Craft. That's because both of them fight massively on space, on air, and on land.

Mon Calamari Cruiser vs Imperial Star Destroyer vs Behemoth Class Battlecruiser vs Protoss Carrier? Terrific!

Jedi vs Sith vs Ghost vs Dark Templar vs agent of the Swarm? Holy hell!

The story could be like this: the Sith who controlled the Empire managed to find a way to Koprulu Sector. They used their mind trick to mind control, or at least influenced the Overmind and its Zerg Brood, starting an unholy alliance, and start conquering the Koprulu Sector. The Rebels & Jedis find a way to contact the Protoss, but were horrified when they learn about Zeratul and his Dark Templars. But since the Empire-Zerg combo is too deadly, the holier-than-thou jedis have to tolerate the Dark Templars. Especially after Arcturus Mengsk and his Dominion forces allied themselves with the Empire. After hard-fought battles, the Rebels, the Protoss, and Jim Raynor's forces defeated the other side, so Mengsk double-crossed the Empire. Attacked from inside-out, the Empire was forced to retreat to the Star Wars galaxy.

Sounds interesting enough for me!

Star Trek vs Babylon 5
Media: Movie or TV Series
Unlike the previous sci fi crossover, this crossover focused on space battle. Heck, as an inside joke, throw Walter Koenig between them.

It will be fun to watch the more agile Star Trek ships fighting against the mammoth Babylon 5 Ships.

It will be  exciting to witness how the Borg Collectives fight the Shadow.

It will be interesting to see how Picard and Sheridan argues ...

Oh boy ... that is a sci-fi geek wet dream, we can only wish ...

And Finally ...

EVERYONE from THIS LIST vs Hannibal Lecter/Jason Vorhees/ANY horror characters.
Media: "Merry Slaughter" sounds like a good movie or Video Games title!
YES, I really want to see some action/horror character slaughter those annoyin characters! Please bring some wood-chipper!

Seriously, I will WATCH the movie in theatre AS LONG AS IT RUNS, even if the whole 2 hours were just a gore-fest, showing how those annoyin characters butchered and tortured by any of those horror monster, without any plot, without any explanation! I despise horror movie, but this movie will be considered as COMEDY by me. I am sure I will laugh so hard during the movie that I should wear a diaper so it won't get dirty.

Wait ... that is just disturbing ... I mean ... shit and piss on the theatre? Gross! Better not to eat or drink anything before I watch it!

Or another choice is to make it a video game! Oh yeah, finally I can torture that überbitch and watch her die! DIE DIE DIE!

4 Overrated Characters and Franchises

I already stated that I have allergic reaction some tropes. And add another 4. Then I notice I dislike some characters and franchises that everybody likes. Yup, this time it is far more specific than "tropes" or "genres". So, let's see what are 4 characters and franchises that I consider overrated, that I hate but sooo many people love ...

I bet after the appearance of the Super Saiyans, you
forget that this anime/manga is about a race to collect
7 Dragonballs

Dragon Ball

Dragon Ball anime & manga is stupid. No, it is not just stupid but SEVERELY stupid. Especially after the Freeza arc. There are MILLIONS of ways to utilize Shenlong and Dragonballs they never consider. To defeat their enemies, Goku and his friends could ask some things from Shenlong like ...

1) To be invincible!
No fight was needed, you got victory without breaking any sweat! Why nobody do this? Oh yeah, because if they do that, there will be no more menace. Huh? isn't that actually the point to ensure the security of earth?

2) To be 100x times stronger than their enemy!
If they are uncomfortable to be "invincible", they could at least wish to be 100 times stronger than their enemy! Oh, Boo menaces the earth? Tough luck you pink bastard, let's summon Shen-Long, and make Goku 100x times stronger than Boo, BOOM, no more Boo, problem solved!

3) to send Cell/Buu/ANY ENEMY to another unreachable dimension!
Again, no fight was needed, the threat will be contained, and the universe will be saved, HURRA! Why this wish escaped Goku and his pals?

4) to create unbreachable barrier around earth/solar system/whatever!
This way Raditz, Vegeta, Freeza, and many other menaces from outside earth won't be able to touch earth. Again, why they never asked this?

And so on, you got the point right?

And don't say that the story can't be exciting if they are THAT intelligent in utilizing it! The story should be structured like the early arcs, A RACE TO COLLECT THE DRAGONBALLS! That's why my favorite arcs are the first ones like the Piccolo arc and the Freeza arc, because those they involved the utilization of the Dragonballs, with races to collect 7 Dragonballs, not a mere "Powerful monster vs powerful protagonist"! Unfortunately, the Freeza Arc is the last time they did this, after that the Dragonballs was reduced to Deus ex Machina to revive all humans who were killed by "monster of the week", and to modify people's memory. LAME!

Wolverine
I really don't get it. Yeah he is a badass, and? What else? Let's see ... he is always angry, unkillable, undestructable ... huh? That's it? Oh yeah, he has sideburns too! As hairy and as thick as possible! Huh? Anything else?

Of course not. Roger Ebert noted that Wolverine has no charisma, never say anything witty or intelligent, and all  of "noises" spitted by his mouth "are limited to the vocalization of primitive forces: anger, hurt, vengeance, love, hate, determination." In other words: he is a stupid-savage-beast. Give any caveman or Neanderthal "healing-factor" and adamantium, and you got the same thing. Snore ...

Face it: Wolverine is the Justin Bieber of the X-Men: hugely popular for stupid reasons. That makes him a far cry from a good character. Like Bieber too, he makes far more interesting and cooler characters like Gambit, Beast, or anyone else get less attention they deserve. That's why I despised not only X-Men 3, but also X-Men 2. Both of those abominations should be named "Wolverine and pals." 

From wikipedia

Rei Ayanami
Neon Genesis Evangelion is a masterpiece for many. I enjoy many episodes of it, but other episodes just too ... wacky for me. But that's fine, I could understand why people love the series.

One thing that I don't understand is, WHY EVERYONE IS OBSESSED WITH REI AYANAMI?  Everytime I heard any discussion about Evangelion, Ayanami ALWAYS become the hot topic, "Wow, Ayanami is so hot!" or "Ah, I wish I can be Ayanami's boyfriend!" or "Ayanami is too beautiful!"  Really? Why why why WHY?

Look, don't get me wrong, I am FAR from hating her character, but still, she is an emotionless-blank slate! Maddox made a good argument why the Android David in Prometheus is NOT a good character. You could praise Michael Fassbender in playing him, but the fact is, he has no emotion, no motive, NOTHING, just like a toaster! Same thing could be said about Ayanami, SHE IS SO BLANK!! If you really want Rei Ayanami as your girlfriend, better put some wig and tight suit to your toaster, that's basically the same deal.


Harry Potter
I already said in my "Top 10 most hated characters" list, I hate anyone who keep saying about "The chosen one" or "Destiny." Since everyone in Hogwarts keep reminding us that Harry here is "the chosen child," I give my middle finger to this franchise.

What else ... ah, now I remember how the Nostalgia Critic explained why the whole franchise is screwed up. Growing up while EVERYONE reminds you that you are "the chosen one" put a mega-ton emotional burden to that poor kid! They are lucky Harry managed to pass his puberty without any mental scar. Oh yeah, other than all the fuss about "the chosen one,"  Hogwarts also drowned some of their students for a-water polo game. Nice education you have there! As muggles, we are spared from that hazardous underwater competition! Ah yeah, speaking about Hogwarts, education, and the muggles ...

I am also turned-off by the smugness of everyone in Hogwarts who consider muggles/non-magic users as fools. Tips to all Harry-Potter reader: "Consider everyone who don't know your talent as stupid-ignorant-fools." Gee, I wonder why I felt that this generation is far more smug than anything before ...

Hey jackass, I wonder how your magic could invent the first television? Or the first computer? No wonder everyone consider math & science "hard" and "boring," the magic users of Hogwarts always reminds their audiences how superior "magic" and "superstitious" is, how some "prophecy" is more trustworthy than critical thinking or rationalism ...

I Am Allergic to These Tropes 2

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I Am Allergic to These Tropes

Like everybody else, I love some tropes, themes and genres in any kind of art. Diesel-punk? AWESOME! Big ships with big guns? Kick ass! Black humor? Hilarious! Satire? Hell yeah! Sci-fi complete with mad scientists? Bad ass! Musical-comedy? Cool!

On the other hand, I also got allergic reactions to some other tropes/genres. Here is some of them, in no particular order.

Horror!

From this blog

Really, I just don't get it. I am already afraid of global warming, biological or nuclear terrorist attack, and so many other real menaces, why I need to be frightened during my spare time? Why I have to pay to feel fear? Oh, don't forget about one more thing! Not only fear, many horror movies also used "shock" to excite its audiences. 

What? I still don't get it. 

In action movies and adventure literatures, fear is used to magnify the satisfaction you got when the protagonist finally overcome their challenge. In comedy, shock is used to amplify the funniness. In other words: they are means for delightful ends: satisfaction and laughter, while in horror, fears and shocks are the end itself.

Sorry, not for me. I prefer to enjoy other emotions during my leisure time. Though I may enjoy a "horror" movie/literature if the "horror" is downplayed. That's why I intentionally watched 13th Ghost, fully aware that it is a horror movie. And I love it too! I was fascinated by the house, by the story of each ghosts, not "horrified" by the "horror" caused by those ghosts, especially in the second half of the movies. I think that's also the reason why horror aficionado doesn't like it.

Pirates!

Folks, pirates are NOT romantic. Pirates are NOT cool. Unless "cool" means "plundering any village whenever and wherever I like!" I already wrote that Pirates are evil, nasty, despicable people by definition. Hoping for a kind pirate is like hoping for "A Nazi with a heart of Gold." They simply don't exist.

I have no interest in identifying myself with greedy, barbarous, mass-rapist, mass-murderers like them. I wish EVERY pirate die slowly and horribly as a nobody in an unknown island, screaming when receiving their karma, not glorified as ANY kind of hero in any media. NEXT!

From this blog

Zombies!
I hate Twilight series, but at least it is NOT about Bella Swan falling in love with a zombie! C'mon, zombie is not only rotten, ugly, and smelly, they are also slow, clumsy, and above all STUPID AS HELL! Where's the fun in watching any kind of interaction with such creature?

Ah, you may say that the fun is actually when you see the protagonist fighting a zombie horde, the thrill and fear of being overwhelmed by THOUSANDS of zombies? NAAAH, it is far more interesting seeing people fighting a horde of NORMAL PEOPLE. That's why I love to watch Black Hawk Down, and Commando. Or any Bruce Lee movie when he kicked a horde of goon's ass! A horde of normal humans provide more challenge and thrill then a zombie horde anytime.

So, any reason why a zombie horde can be more interesting than a living one? Let me guess, you want to argue that zombies know no fear, no pain! Err ... sorry, if that's the case, that means A ROBOT HORDE is far more menacing! Heck, a VACUUM CLEANER HORDE is far cooler than a zombie horde! Oh yeah, no fear and no pain also means they are even more STUPID than the most stupid man, increasing the problem that I mentioned earlier.

Hey ... wait a minute ... I've got an idea! Why use zombies? Replace all zombies with "idiot cannibals"! Here is the story: a virus reduces the IQ of its host by 90%, and skyrocketed their appetite for human flesh, making them feral, but change nothing else!  Same stupidity, without the ugliness, with more speed! That means all those movie makers can save money since they have no need to do any special makeup in their future zombie movie project!  Damn, I am a genius!

From this forum

ANYTHING with Vin Diesel!
Honestly, after mid 2000s, every time I saw any movie with Vin Diesel, I pass. Really. as far as I know, he always plays the VERY SAME CHARACTER. You know, the cool-wannabe-douchebag, complete with speech impediment.

ARGH, it is so painful! Everytime he opens his mouth, I felt a hammer hit a nail that already halfway in my ears! Everytime he moves, it is like a pneumatic drill hits my eyeballs!  The fact that his breakout role is the movie about some felons who think endangering lives and misusing public property is cool is not helping either!  Great job there Vin! So sorry for giving you my middle-finger instead of my thumb. 

I think I even prefer the zombies compare to this douche. At least the zombies become so repelling NOT because of their own choice! At least the zombies is not so pretentious ...

So that's it for now. Other than those 4, I also despise most movies with Santa Claus, Bugs Bunny, and many other things that I stated in "top 10 most hated characters" article. Maybe I'll add other things later ...

Addendum:
Based on some input from my brother, I add 4 more lame tropes.

Homage to Punisher: War Zone

Punisher: War Zone is my ultimate "Guilty Pleasure" movie.

By that, I never mean I enjoy Punisher: War Zone as a terrible movie or despite it is a terrible movie. Hell no! This movie is easily on of my Top 10 favorite movie of all time! It is BEAUTIFULLY casted, shot, and directed, how come anyone say this movie is not awesome? Oh yeah, I forget most people are wimps. 

What I mean by "Guilty pleasure" is, I enjoy this movie in FULL AWARENESS that some of my enjoyment come from the fact that this movie showed how the Punisher butcher so many monsters.

C'mon admit it. You also have that joy, usually at the end of the movie, when the good guy finally kill the bad guy. Like in every Die Hard movies. Like in the end of most Schwarzenegger or Stallone's movie. For me, that kind of joy is a guilty pleasure.

The difference between The Punisher and those other movies is: you got that satisfaction from the beginning until the end, not only in the end. If you read his comic, especially the MAX series, you know exactly that every single killing he made induce that "guilty pleasure."  Almost in every chapter, every scene, Punisher is killing or torturing then killing some criminals whose humanity is CLEARLY non existent. This movie has exactly that same tone and atmosphere.

For example, The Punisher track down some junkies who were also parkour addict. The movie showed those junkies just robbed and butchered a shop owner by axing his head. Yup, the movie really showed a dead old man with a big axe on his head. Not to worry, shortly after that, the Punisher ambushed them on a roof. He blew up the first parkour junkie with a rocket, snipe the second one, and interrogate the last one ... before throwing him to a pointy fence, stabbing the junkie's chest from below, and finally the Punisher jumped on his neck! That tone and atmosphere create far superior "guilty pleasure" compare to the joy of seeing Schwarzenegger or Stallone mowed down the antagonist's mooks with big machine gun. If you prefer that kind of "guilty pleasure," don't worry, the Punisher also slaughtered those cannon fodders in over-the-top shoot-out.

Okay, let's begin with the nuts and bolts of this movie. 

The Story

The story is simple: Punisher slaughter a mafia family, Billy Rusotti escaped but his face was screwed, then he hunts the Punisher after freeing his batshit insane younger brother! Anything else are trivial. Many people complained the story is idiotic. Who cares!! This movie is about TONE, and ATMOSPHERE, what kind of story do you expect? The Godfather? Serpico? Silence of the Lambs? Naaah, this movie is too awesome, it never need any good story. NEXT!!

Thomas Jane
From this blog

Ray Stevenson
From this site

The Punisher

I already mentioned that the Punisher is one of my favorite character. In this movie, Ray Stevenson portrait him PERFECTLY! He is physically intimidating, hard like tungsten, but could show his sentimental side. After he killed the wrong guy, he really manned up to his responsibility, and visited the guy's widow, prepared to receive any retribution, even handing her a loaded revolver. In other words: he really got the Punisher's character.

This is in contrast with the previous Punisher: Thomas Jane. Look at him.

1) He is a pretty boy, not a nasty killing machine!!

2) He is a schemer, not a punisher!!

3) He never killed anyone by PUNCHING HIS FACE!!

Hands down, Ray Stevenson IS the Punisher. I am sure if both of them met, before Thomas Jane's Punisher can scheme anything, his head was already ripped off by a punch from Ray Stevenson's Punisher.

The Antagonists

As the main antagonist, we have Dominic West playing Billy Rusotti a.k.a Jigsaw. He is a narcisstic-sadistic-cartoony-douche whose pretty face screwed by the Punisher, burned by anger, but start crying whenever he saw a mirror. Lucky he got a loving brother! (See the next paragraph) I like this villain. I really like it! He is goofy, cartoony, and violent at the same time! But he also love his brother sooo much that he released him from a mental hospital. Speaking about his brother ...

Then we also got Loony Bin Jim alias LBJ alias James, the younger brother of Jigsaw. A psychopathic-high adrenaline-batshit insane-cannibal who eat a male nurse alive. Remember about Jigsaw start crying whenever he saw a mirror? LBJ also loved his brother so much that he broke every single mirror in the vicinity of his brother. Who said a monster couldn't love anyone? 

Speaking about the antagonists ... one of my favorite scene from this movie is when those 2 brothers recruited an army from the darkest part of New York for the final battle. Jigsaw made a speech about "freedom" and "American dream" in front of a gigantic american flag, in front of Chinese triads, Irish mobs, and black gangsters. That was ... SUPERB! Man, I really didn't know whether to be awed or laughed my ass off when I saw that speech for the first time! Now I know. I have to STAND UP and give a SALUTE!! That scene is too awesome to got any other reaction.

The Supporting Casts and Actions

Other than the main casts, the supporting casts are also excellent. Same like Ray Stevenson IS the intimidating Punisher, Wayne Knight IS the resourceful Microchip, and Dash Mihok IS the bumbling detective Soap! 

I also loved the fact that in the final battle, the Punisher used an assault rifle instead of submachine gun like MP5 or machine gun like M60! I always have a soft spot for an assault rifle ...

Oh yeah, he also has a good reason to be alive even after receiving tons of shots from those mobs: he was equipped with dragon skin body armor! Holy shit!

BTW if you are a gun buff, and interested in finding out what kind of guns were used in this movie, check this site!

In the end, this movie is not a financial success. Predictable. Most people are too wimpy, not manly enough to enjoy the Punisher MAX comics, let alone watch this badass movie. No problem, at least I saw ONE awesome Punisher movie.

Final Verdict: 99 out of 100. This film is very enjoyable for me from the beginning until the end. Watch it if you love action, gore, and black humor. RUN FROM IT if you are too wimpy, if blood splattering from decapitated neck makes you scream. You are NOT manly enough to watch this movie!

Top 10 non-Villain Characters

I already listed my 10 favorite villains, and 10 most hated characters. Time to list my top 10 non-villain favorite characters. So, here they come ...

Copyrighted pic, from wikipedia

10) Duke Nukem
Type: über macho-badass-action hero
From: Duke Nukem video game series
Everybody loves a badass. Duke Nukem is an epitome of badassery. He is politically incorrect, loves to blow up aliens, and acts like a boss. He is an over-the-top parody of the 80s and 90s action heroes and spouted tons of cheesy one liner like:

"Aaaahh ... much better!" (After taking a pee.)

"What am I, a chimpanzee?" (After grabbing a feces.)

"Your face, your ass, what's the difference?" (During a fight with a monster.)

"I got balls of steel!" (Whenever and wherever he like it.)

"America, FUCK YEAH!!" (Before entering the Hoover Dam to kick alien's ass.)

He is an excellent choice to start this list: cheesy, generic in the 90s, but still outstanding, enjoyable, funny, and memorable.

In other words: If you like any action movie character played by Stallone or Schwarzenegger, you will love the Duke!

Cropped Artwork from Boom Comics

9) Darkwing Duck
Type: Egotistical & self-centered superhero
From: Darkwing Duck animated series & Comics
Every superhero has at least one reason to be one. Bruce Wayne saw his parents murdered so he become Batman. Peter Parker felt responsible for the death of his uncle, and fight crime as his personal redemption. Etc.

And we also have Darkwing Duck from Disney. His reason to become a superhero? To fulfill his ego. To get praise. To satisfy his vanity. Yup, his ego is so big that it has its own gravity. His first serious enemy in the series, Taurus Bulba, even ridiculed his ego, mocking his mannerism! Unlike Suzumiya Haruhi though, he satisfied his ego by capturing criminals, and he is really care about everyone, especially those who are close to him.He is the guy whose selfishness benefits everyone around him, so that's make his egoistic rhetorics, decision, and actions so enjoyable!

Another aspect that differentiate him from other superhero, Darkwing is basically an INCOMPETENT hero, because he is both an INCOMPETENT detective, and INCOMPETENT fighter. That's what make the series thrilling. That's why so many villains underestimate him. Boy, that underestimation ALWAYS bite them back in their ass! And every bite is hard and deep. You see, Darkwing actually has potentials. Once you  push him to the edge of a cliff, he would turn into a real badass, signed by his famous one liner "LET'S GET DANGEROUS." After that one liner, he ALWAYS kicked ass!

Oh yeah, one last thing, like IGN pointed out, his sidekick is the parody of Han Solo. Definitely the best cartoon superhero sidekick! Far superior in comparison with the most (in)famous sidekick: Robin or any other sidekick.

Copyrighted pic
from wikipedia

8) Hubert Florentini
Type: Badass cop
From Wasabi Movie
Like I said in #10: everybody loves a badass. Hubert Florentini is an example how the French, the culture that has effeminate aura and language, interpret badassery. Boy, they really showed that they know exactly what is a badass. Check out their badass cop: Hubert Florentini, played by Jean Reno.

Hubert is just like a stereotypical Frenchmen: a hopeless romantic. He always reminiscent of his long lost love: a Japanese woman whom he met when he was young and still in the intelligence service. But in contemporary days, he busts criminal's face so bad that he even send them flying repeatedly. He got into serious trouble after he broke every single bone of the son of a high-ranking police in one of his bust, and when he tried to apologize, he broke even more bones of him. During this time, suddenly he got a phone from a lawyer in Tokyo. His long lost love lawyer. The lawyer wanted him to be present in Tokyo to hear her testament. Once he got there, he discovered he has a 19 years old daughter with her. Shortly after that, yakuzas try to kidnap his daughter. His solution? Kicked their ass, blew their face, and busted their boss. In the end, Hubert wiped out the entire yakuza almost singlehandedly in every corner of Tokyo to the chagrin of Tokyo's Police.

A badass from French kick some ass in Japan? Hubert secured his place in this list easily.

7) Dexter

Type: Serial-killer protagonist

From: Dexter TV series
Meet Dexter Morgan, a blood analyst in Miami Metro Police. On surface he is your Joe average guy. He works hard in the office, occasionally buying donuts for everyone in the force, and most cops like him. Those things are all facades, even to his foul mouthed detective sister. He is actually a psychopath who has to control his urge to kill. His late adoptive father, a police detective named Harry, realize this early, and teach him how to mask that urge, and how to cover his track, teaching him "The Code of Harry."

Don't be mistaken here, he is totally aware that he is a monster. The code of Harry is the only thing that make sure he only kills other monsters. You know, other serial killer, serial rapist, violent gangsters, etc. His facades is not perfect. Some cops suspect he hides something. In season 3, after local oceanographists discovered his mutilated victims at the bottom of the sea, the FBI send their top agents to hunt him. He managed to evade all of that and remains free.

He is also far from "too perfect to exist" character like Sherlock Holmes or Hannibal Lecter.  He made tons of bad decision that cost him dearly, making him more human, making the series far more interesting. We also hear his inner-voices, my personal favorites are whenever he cynically commented to normal situation that baffled him, for example: "It is amazing that I kill no one during high school," making tons of black humor one-liner.

Watch him if you really like a police thriller and black humor.

Copyrighted Works.
From wikipedia

6) Vincent Valentine

Type: demon-vampire-human hybrid

From: Final Fantasy VII Role-Playing-Videogame, Dirge of Cerberus First Person Shooter Video game

This one is very popular. Everyone who play Final Fantasy VII idolizes him. He is the only side character in Final Fantasy VII who get his own game: Dirge of Cerberus. Hey, who don't like this dark-brooding-cool vampire, especially if he has cool red cape!

Other than that, he also another badass abilities like ... transforming into an archdemon who can harvested all souls under the heaven.

But the main reason I put him in this list because I hate Twilight. Vincent Valentine showed us how a dark-brooding-forever young-vampire characters could be SUPER COOL if you handle it right.

What? You think he is not a vampire? Do you forget our first encounter with him? At that ime, he slept IN A COFFIN!! Q.E.D.

In the end, I have to admit all the reasons why I like him are aesthetic reasons. He is so GODDAMN COOL, who cares about his back story, personality traits, etc?

From The-A Team Online

5) Captain "Howling Mad" Murdock
Type:Insane(??) Pilot
From: The A-Team TV Series
Ah The A-Team ... this is a series which neither the bad guys nor the heroes could shoot straight. They sprayed bullets all over the place, none of them hits. BUT I LOVE THIS SERIES! All of the characters are memorable. But my personal favorite is Murdock, the insane pilot. This is the man who sponsor "The League to free golf balls from slavery." This is the man who constantly annoyed B.A Baracus and still alive.

But that crazyness is only one side. He is also a brilliant tactician. When the leader of the group, Hannibal Smith, was captured in one episode, everybody else became desperate. Templeton "Face" Peck, Hannibal's 2nd in command included. It was Murdock who pointed out that the key to everything is the bar where they begun this operation. In the end of the episodes, they stormed the bad guys base, and Hannibal was surprised to hear "What? Murdock is the one who can track me and plan all of these?"

No wonder until today, everyone is still wonder whether he is really crazy or just faking it ...

No wonder until today this character never gets old ...

No wonder he becomes the main inspiration for many comedian, for example Jim Carrey ...

Copyrighted pictures.
From wikipedia

4) Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth:

Type: Senile-amoral-mad scientist

From: Futurama Animated Series
The creator of the Simpson once decided to create a cartoon series, full with geek and nerd jokes. Thus, Futurama was born. Yes, it is funny, and it is even funnier if you have mathematics or physics or engineering background. For example, in one episode in season 6, the writers create A NEW MATHEMATICAL THEOREM and used it as a plot device. Now, where is the idiots who said that Math can't be fun?

From all of the characters in that series, the senile-amoral-mad professor, Hubert J. Farnsworth is my favorite. Since this is a geek series at heart, despite his senility, Farnsworth arguably become the heart of the whole series. Every scene with him just make me laugh so hard until my belly hurt. He is so over the top that you know exactly his amorality is just a joke. 

For example:
When he saw his employees in danger he said "Oh GOD, they need help! But I am already in my pijamas ..." then he fall asleep.

"Good news everyone!" everytime he wants to tell bad news.

"Bad news everyone ..." one time before he told EXTREMELY bad news.

"Oh, I always fear he might runs off like this. Why, why, why, didn't I break his legs?" speaking about his monkey.

Oh yeah, he also sold several Doomsday devices in a garage sale and stated "I suppose I could part with one and still be feared."

With a professor like this, who needs Dr. Evil, Dr. Robotnik, or any other second rate mad scientist?

3) Saito Hajime

Type: Anti-Hero

From: Rurouni Kenshin Anime & Manga

One thing I hate from the Rurouni Kenshin anime: the main character/Kenshin Himura/Hittokiri Battosai's vow not to kill. Great Scott, he never realized that killing some trashes of the world CAN save thousands if not millions! Lucky we have the antidote: his arch nemesis, ex Shinsengumi 3rd division captain, Saito Hajime.

When the series start, Saito was working as a police officer. Unlike Kenshin, Saito kills every evil that he saw. Every single evil. No, their status as a high official couldn't help them. Some of them tried to bribe him. He decapitated them as his response. Now THIS IS the character that we need in this melo-dramatic anime!

Saito is every inch a badass, surviving the turmoil era of 19th century Japan. He fought Hittokiri Battosai repeatedly 10 years before the series began, and earned the nickname "The immortals" because nothing can kill him. Not Battosai, not the Seinan War, not the blind Sword Usui, not Sishio Makoto, not the collapse of Sishio's headquarters, NOTHING could kill him. Looks like he pissed off the god of death so much that they decided to keep him in the mortal world as long as possible.

Oh, lastly, the creator of Rurouni Kenshin himself admitted, that he thought that this character is too scary,  since he made everyone who fought him, except Kenshin and Sishio, looked weak.

Copyrighted pictures.
From wikipedia

2) Frank Castle a.k.a The Punisher

Type: Anti-Hero

From: Punisher:MAX comics & Punisher: War Zone movie
This american character is similar with the previous anime character. They are the antidote for the naive "I swear not to kill a single soul again" hero(es) of their respective world.

There are 3 main fundamental differences between them that makes this American character superior.

First is, although Saito is a lone wolf, he still worked for the government, for the system. The Punisher said "Fuck it" before going totally solo, and kill every evil he met.

Second is, the Punisher is going all-out. He really massacres those evils, and he totally admit that HE HIMSELF is also a monster like his victims, just like Dexter Morgan. Saito still have this "holier-than-thou" mentality emanated from his presence.

Third is, the Punisher managed to show the naive do-gooder how a kill, however terrible is, is sometimes the best choice. When he returned to New York after his long hiatus, he systematically killed the Gnucci's crime family. When Dino Gnucci was released from the prison due to the flimsiness of the prosecutor's case. Castle decided to snipe him down. He was interrupted by the Daredevil who asked him what the hell he thinks when he decide to become judge jury and executioner? Frank paralyzed the blind superhero using ultrasonic loudspeaker, tied him, and give a revolver to his tied hand, aimed to Castle's head while he prepared to snipe. Castle than informed the now conscious Daredevil, either he shot Castle's head, or Castle snipe down Dino's head. The whiny Daredevil screamed like a pussy, the Punisher only answer with "You asked me before what I think when I kill those monsters. I think exactly like what you think now, either I kill that monster, or it kills other people." 

HELL YEAH, finally someone shut those naive superhero up!!

He didn't stop there. In another occasion he blasted Wolverine's balls with a shotgun, and turning Spiderman into a human shield-punching bag, and utilize another anti-hero when Daredevil, Spiderman, and Wolverine decided to gang up on him.

Oh yeah, in case you haven't notice, he doesn't have any super power. He uses his guts, wits, wills, and tons of weaponry to slaughter every criminal he met, to make every naive superhero who try to stop him looks like an outclassed whiny pussy. That my friends ... is badassery in extrimis, securing the #2 spot for this badass anti-hero.

From wikipedia

1) Londo Mollari

Type: Tragic Hero

From: Babylon 5 TV series

Babylon 5 is the BEST TV series EVER produced by humankind on this planet. Period. They have so many memorable lines, so many memorable villains, so many twists and turns, and of course ... so many interesting characters. My personal favorite is Londo Mollari, easily the best non-villain characters ever.

His story is basically a classic story about the dictum "Be very careful with your wish. You may get it," complete with slow realization and epic redemption. By the way, he also has tons of comedic moments too, AND that didn't dilute his tragic tone, or making his character inconsistent. That is one hell of a good example of story telling. 

Let's see ... he started in Season 1 as a diplomat, hungry for glory, frustrated by the weakness and inaction of his own government, and his country was humiliated by another power repeatedly. He was seen by everyone, even his own people, as a buffoon. The fact that his position is considered as a joke among his own people was not helping. Everything change after he finally have enough and blurted his frustration to the wrong guy: the Shadows. First, he finally got everything he want: renaissance of his country, fear from his enemies, and personal power. All beyond his wildest dream in more or less season 3. Unfortunately, at extremely high cost. 

Londo steals all the scene that includes him. That is including all of his scenes with G'Kar, Ivanova, Garibaldi, and many other terrific characters. He is an easy choice for #1.

I Hate Hate HATE these 10 Characters!

First, let me credit Roger Ebert & Ted Woolsey's translation of Kefka Palazzo, who stated that they "Hate hate hate something", inspiring me the title of this article. Now, let's start the article ...


Many antagonists/villains are created to be hated. That's cool for me. Many good villains are good because we hate them so much. We can say, we love to hate them! 

Unfortunately, there are many characters that were created to be loved, but irritated, annoyed, and asked to be skinned alive constantly. Here are some of those characters.

Note 1:

Don't expect Jarjar Binks in this list. He is awful, but it is not him that irritated me most when I watch The Phantom Menace. The plot-holes, Qui-Gonn Jinn, and many other things did a better job at irritated me. In essence THE WHOLE MOVIE irritated me far more greatly. Jarjar is relatively tame compare to the whole orchestra of monstrosity that use him as one of its instrument. See Redlettermedia Plinkett Review to see what I mean by that.

These guys are far worse than Jarjar. Some of their movies/tv series/novels/video games are actually good, but they still annoyed the hell outta me. Or in other cases, they are the primary reason why their movies/tv series/novels/video games sucks. Sometimes, they are so irritating that even seeing them on a billboard or a magazine is enough to send me into rage.

Note 2:
Fair warning: this is not for anyone who dislike black humor. Leave now before you are offended! You have been warned!