First, let me credit Roger Ebert & Ted Woolsey's translation of Kefka Palazzo, who stated that they "Hate hate hate something", inspiring me the title of this article. Now, let's start the article ...
Many antagonists/villains are created to be hated. That's cool for me. Many good villains are good because we hate them so much. We can say, we love to hate them!
Unfortunately, there are many characters that were created to be loved, but irritated, annoyed, and asked to be skinned alive constantly. Here are some of those characters.
Many antagonists/villains are created to be hated. That's cool for me. Many good villains are good because we hate them so much. We can say, we love to hate them!
Unfortunately, there are many characters that were created to be loved, but irritated, annoyed, and asked to be skinned alive constantly. Here are some of those characters.
Note 1:
Don't expect Jarjar Binks in this list. He is awful, but it is not him that irritated me most when I watch The Phantom Menace. The plot-holes, Qui-Gonn Jinn, and many other things did a better job at irritated me. In essence THE WHOLE MOVIE irritated me far more greatly. Jarjar is relatively tame compare to the whole orchestra of monstrosity that use him as one of its instrument. See Redlettermedia Plinkett Review to see what I mean by that.
These guys are far worse than Jarjar. Some of their movies/tv series/novels/video games are actually good, but they still annoyed the hell outta me. Or in other cases, they are the primary reason why their movies/tv series/novels/video games sucks. Sometimes, they are so irritating that even seeing them on a billboard or a magazine is enough to send me into rage.
Note 2:
Fair warning: this is not for anyone who dislike black humor. Leave now before you are offended! You have been warned!
Note 2:
Fair warning: this is not for anyone who dislike black humor. Leave now before you are offended! You have been warned!
 |
| From Disney wikia |
Type: Cutesy little kid
From: DuckTales Animated Series
Seriously? Why Disney put a girly girl in an adventure series like DuckTales? You could easily remove her, and use Huey or Louie or Dewey instead! Really! Why this cutesy character is needed?
I tell you why, because Disney thought they need a female character to draw young female audience to the series! Ah, Disney try to milk money from every single part of the family, why I am not surprise? Hey Disney, this is an adventure series, not My Little Pony! (FYI, those ponies are actually #11 hated characther.) If you really want to put a female characther there, a kick-ass strong female who want to prove her worth for example is far more interesting! Give us more adventurers not dumbass in distress! Give us new original character, not Huey in pink skirt!
And speaking about gigantic corporation try to milk our money ...
I tell you why, because Disney thought they need a female character to draw young female audience to the series! Ah, Disney try to milk money from every single part of the family, why I am not surprise? Hey Disney, this is an adventure series, not My Little Pony! (FYI, those ponies are actually #11 hated characther.) If you really want to put a female characther there, a kick-ass strong female who want to prove her worth for example is far more interesting! Give us more adventurers not dumbass in distress! Give us new original character, not Huey in pink skirt!
And speaking about gigantic corporation try to milk our money ...
 |
| From wikipedia |
Type: innocent-looking brainwasher
From: Fairy Tale, and tons of Christmas specials & movies!
NO, I am NOT a Christian, but YES, I am one of those who really wanted to suffocate this douche with his own beard.
You see, I am pissed because so many Christmas movie and specials tried to preach that "Christmas is a day of joy, a day to give" in other words: a day to RECEIVE a present. Why they preach this idea instead of a story about the birth of a carpenter son whom the Christians worship, that involve hopes in something abstract like afterlife? Silly you, Hallmark, Toys R Us and other companies want to milk tons of money from the non-Christians too!
What pissed me more is, many of those movies actually preached that "you have to believe in Santa Claus"!!
Huh? Wait, now suddenly you tell me that Santa Claus is a religious figure? A deity? Are you freakin kiddin me? Is this the proud tradition of the world, teaching children blatant lies to make them smile while making fat capitalist richer? ARGH, I can't stand him anymore! Let's move on!
You see, I am pissed because so many Christmas movie and specials tried to preach that "Christmas is a day of joy, a day to give" in other words: a day to RECEIVE a present. Why they preach this idea instead of a story about the birth of a carpenter son whom the Christians worship, that involve hopes in something abstract like afterlife? Silly you, Hallmark, Toys R Us and other companies want to milk tons of money from the non-Christians too!
What pissed me more is, many of those movies actually preached that "you have to believe in Santa Claus"!!
Huh? Wait, now suddenly you tell me that Santa Claus is a religious figure? A deity? Are you freakin kiddin me? Is this the proud tradition of the world, teaching children blatant lies to make them smile while making fat capitalist richer? ARGH, I can't stand him anymore! Let's move on!
Note: I love some of Christmas specials that involve him. Especially from American Dad and The Dexter Laboratory. In one of American Dad Christmas special, Steve Smith accidentally killed Santa, and the family decided to cover it up. But Santa was revived by his elf and return for revenge, bringing his elven army, and the Smiths battle them ala 300 but with M-60, Kalashnikovs, and M-16 assault rifle. In the Dexter Labs, Dexter hunt Santa down and shaved down his smug beard trying to prove that he is a fake, only to be confronted by his own enraged family. When Dexter try to defend his action, he said "Dad, this is Christmas right? It is about joy, happiness, and forgiveness right?" Only to be rebuffed by "No silly. Christmas is about CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!" More Christmas special like these 2 please!
 |
| From Final Fantasy wiki |
Type: Idiotic romantic hero wannabe
From: Final Fantasy XIII Role-Playing-Video Game
This ... this character is extraordinary, because Final Fantasy has TONS of annoying characters. Moggle, Chocobo, Vanille in Final Fantasy XIII, and tons of cutesy princess. But this man makes all of them looked pale in comparison.
For example, after seeing that his fiancée was turned into a crystal statue while the government army hunts him and his comrades down, he said he wants to protect the statue!! Hey bozo, you are not helping heeeeree!! Nobody could hurt the crystal statue while your friends could use your help! Others are so pissed by him, they don't even talk. Only the older sister of his crystallized fiancée give him a deserving punch to his face. But even that is not helping. He INSISTS he has to guard the statue due to his love.
Yeah right.
This ... this character is extraordinary, because Final Fantasy has TONS of annoying characters. Moggle, Chocobo, Vanille in Final Fantasy XIII, and tons of cutesy princess. But this man makes all of them looked pale in comparison.
For example, after seeing that his fiancée was turned into a crystal statue while the government army hunts him and his comrades down, he said he wants to protect the statue!! Hey bozo, you are not helping heeeeree!! Nobody could hurt the crystal statue while your friends could use your help! Others are so pissed by him, they don't even talk. Only the older sister of his crystallized fiancée give him a deserving punch to his face. But even that is not helping. He INSISTS he has to guard the statue due to his love.
Yeah right.
Seriously, I usually hate "Guys hit girls is domestic violence, but girls hit guys is cute" cliché, but in this case, I wholeheartedly support it! Hey, maybe some punch in the face is not enough, maybe you need to put some bullet in his belly to make sure he got your point since you are talking with a person with one digit IQ here!
7) Tooth Fairy, Tinkerbell, or any other magical being that can only live because of "faith" or "believe in them."
6) ANY character who said ad nauseam that "We have to believe in the chosen one!"
From: Too many to be listed
Remember #9 about Santa Claus? Our kids got even MORE nonsense in so many bedtime stories. And the crazy thing is, the adults got it too! Seriously? What's up with "faith" and "believe"? Is asking for evidence is really that bad? Is refusing to believe in nonsense is so cruel? Seems so according to so many writers.
Some writers even build their whole story around "The chosen one" mythos where every rational person should refuse to believe it. Of course they don't believe it, are you really God so you can claim that one person has "destiny" in his side? BUT NO! This story usually ends with a lesson that "you have to believe in non-provable, without evidence nonsense"!! You know what, this kind of story is easily the favorite story of ANY dirty politicians.
No wonder our society shunned and ridiculed geeks, scientists, and skeptics while giving tons of money and power to stinkin politicians, charlatans, B.S. artists, etc. We are shoved everyday with this cliché !! We love to eat B.S., so whenever any skeptic pointed that out, we yell at the skeptic "HEY, DON'T TOUCH MY DREAM YOU GEEK!"
Some writers even build their whole story around "The chosen one" mythos where every rational person should refuse to believe it. Of course they don't believe it, are you really God so you can claim that one person has "destiny" in his side? BUT NO! This story usually ends with a lesson that "you have to believe in non-provable, without evidence nonsense"!! You know what, this kind of story is easily the favorite story of ANY dirty politicians.
No wonder our society shunned and ridiculed geeks, scientists, and skeptics while giving tons of money and power to stinkin politicians, charlatans, B.S. artists, etc. We are shoved everyday with this cliché !! We love to eat B.S., so whenever any skeptic pointed that out, we yell at the skeptic "HEY, DON'T TOUCH MY DREAM YOU GEEK!"
5) Isabella "Bella" Swan
Type: Empty shell-lego bricks- female teenager (According to the Oatmeal)
From: Twilight Movies and novels
Do I really need to explain this? Others, like the Oatmeal, the Nostalgia Critic, and the Blockbuster Buster, already did it. If you have any semblance of human brain and USE IT, you will definitely hate this bitch. NEXT!!
4) Rusty The Boy Robot
Type: Pinocchio with nuclear guns
From: Big Guy & Rusty animated series
Big Guy & Rusty is an animated series about a giant robot with his boy robot sidekick, destroying aliens, bad robots and other menaces. I watched this show loooong time ago. Then I re-watch it for nostalgia. There is something that doesn't feel right. Something that never cross my mind when I was a small child. Why Rusty pissed me off extremely and routinely? After some thought, I finally got it.
Pop quiz, why even the most avid gun lovers keep their guns & ammos away from their children? Because they know, children + guns + ammos = horrible accidents.
Another pop quiz, why nobody sane & ethical accept an 8 year old in the military except IN A VERY VERY VERY DESPERATE SITUATION? Why nobody sane & ethical ever trains and arms an 8 year old to confront armed criminals? Not only because of the children + gun formula is still valid, but also because YOU CAN SCAR THEM MENTALLY!! Do these guys forget that most serial killer has this kind of experience during their childhood? Yeah, you really want that boy robot GROW UP to be the robotic-nuclear equipped version of Ted Bundy? Wake up folks, even the nicest kid on earth could become a serial killer if they got a mental trauma!
Last pop quiz, why this cartoon show emphasize the story about a BOY ROBOT (He got a child mentality, not only physical appearance) who got a nuclear-powered gun enough to decimate half of the city, and designed to be a soldier? Gee, I don't know why ... maybe because they think child-soldier is cute?
Maybe you protested, if I criticize Rusty so much, that means I also criticized Astro from Astro Boy. Nope, there is a fundamental difference here. Astro was created from the beginning by Dr. Tenma, AN INSANE SCIENTIST for heaven's sake! He is not "weapons of mass destruction by design," even Tenma and his deranged brain designed him mainly as a replacement for his deceased son! Oh yeah, this Tenma is basically the main antagonist of the Astro Boy series. In comparison, Rusty was created by A GOOD SCIENTIST named Erica Slate who was praised by EVERY OTHER SCIENTIST when she choose to build a child sentient robot and armed it with nuclear guns. And from the first day he was designed, he was already designed as a strategic weapon of mass destruction. Looks like the good Doctor Slate is a big fan of warlords who recruit child army like Joseph Kony and Charles Taylor!
When the series progressed it is getting worse! I am even more pissed by the fact that the adult characters is ONLY slightly bothered by the fact that robot is a kid, nobody really stand up and said "Sir, with all due respect, for the good of that kid too, DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING LETHAL! And you good Doctor, what did you smoke when you design this kid?" Even the child protection agency say nothing about this!! Appalling!
*Addendum*
After some thought, I have some good ideas, why stop with Rusty the child-soldier Robot?
Why don't they create the funny "Crappy the shit-to-face throwing girl robot"?
I have another idea: "Pearcy the Rapist teenage Robot" that sounds cute too!
UH, UH, I have another one, this one is awesome: "Junkie the underage cocaine dealer robot" !!
If the concept of child-soldier robot sounds cute to you, I think shit-thrower, rapist, and coke dealer kid robot will be sweet too!!
3) Teletubbies
Type: nightmare fuel from cutesy city!
No explanation necessary ...
Type: Pinocchio with nuclear guns
From: Big Guy & Rusty animated series
Big Guy & Rusty is an animated series about a giant robot with his boy robot sidekick, destroying aliens, bad robots and other menaces. I watched this show loooong time ago. Then I re-watch it for nostalgia. There is something that doesn't feel right. Something that never cross my mind when I was a small child. Why Rusty pissed me off extremely and routinely? After some thought, I finally got it.
 |
| The Boy Robot. From this site |
Another pop quiz, why nobody sane & ethical accept an 8 year old in the military except IN A VERY VERY VERY DESPERATE SITUATION? Why nobody sane & ethical ever trains and arms an 8 year old to confront armed criminals? Not only because of the children + gun formula is still valid, but also because YOU CAN SCAR THEM MENTALLY!! Do these guys forget that most serial killer has this kind of experience during their childhood? Yeah, you really want that boy robot GROW UP to be the robotic-nuclear equipped version of Ted Bundy? Wake up folks, even the nicest kid on earth could become a serial killer if they got a mental trauma!
Last pop quiz, why this cartoon show emphasize the story about a BOY ROBOT (He got a child mentality, not only physical appearance) who got a nuclear-powered gun enough to decimate half of the city, and designed to be a soldier? Gee, I don't know why ... maybe because they think child-soldier is cute?
Maybe you protested, if I criticize Rusty so much, that means I also criticized Astro from Astro Boy. Nope, there is a fundamental difference here. Astro was created from the beginning by Dr. Tenma, AN INSANE SCIENTIST for heaven's sake! He is not "weapons of mass destruction by design," even Tenma and his deranged brain designed him mainly as a replacement for his deceased son! Oh yeah, this Tenma is basically the main antagonist of the Astro Boy series. In comparison, Rusty was created by A GOOD SCIENTIST named Erica Slate who was praised by EVERY OTHER SCIENTIST when she choose to build a child sentient robot and armed it with nuclear guns. And from the first day he was designed, he was already designed as a strategic weapon of mass destruction. Looks like the good Doctor Slate is a big fan of warlords who recruit child army like Joseph Kony and Charles Taylor!
When the series progressed it is getting worse! I am even more pissed by the fact that the adult characters is ONLY slightly bothered by the fact that robot is a kid, nobody really stand up and said "Sir, with all due respect, for the good of that kid too, DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING LETHAL! And you good Doctor, what did you smoke when you design this kid?" Even the child protection agency say nothing about this!! Appalling!
*Addendum*
After some thought, I have some good ideas, why stop with Rusty the child-soldier Robot?
Why don't they create the funny "Crappy the shit-to-face throwing girl robot"?
I have another idea: "Pearcy the Rapist teenage Robot" that sounds cute too!
UH, UH, I have another one, this one is awesome: "Junkie the underage cocaine dealer robot" !!
If the concept of child-soldier robot sounds cute to you, I think shit-thrower, rapist, and coke dealer kid robot will be sweet too!!
That's it, I can't continue. It is too painful for me, I think have to do something physically painful, but far less emotionally-psychologically torturing to ease my mental pain. I need to do something radical like ... sawing my knee-cap with a hacksaw!!
Slowly ... slowly ... slowly ... aaahhh ... slowly ... slowly ... slowly ... oh that's good! Ok ... a little bit more and ... AAAAARGH!
Slowly ... slowly ... slowly ... aaahhh ... slowly ... slowly ... slowly ... oh that's good! Ok ... a little bit more and ... AAAAARGH!
OK, that helps. Who needs a foot if hacksawing it can help in coping with these characters. NEXT!!
3) Teletubbies
Type: nightmare fuel from cutesy city!
No explanation necessary ...
 |
| Copyrighted pic See its sources in wikipedia |
2) Bugs Bunny, Jerry, etc
Type: Annoying bully who think that being physically weaker means you have the permission to bully
From: Classic American cartoons like WB cartoons, Tom & Jerry, etc.
Seriously? Why everyone was delighted and laugh when they saw Jerry tormented Tom? Why so many people love Bugs Bunny even though he torture other characters? And NO, in many episodes, it is not self-defense, in many cases they do all of that because they want to steal, they want to have fun, etc. Disgusting.
Don't get me wrong, I love black humor, I love Schadenfreude too, but ... this is just cruel! It is like seeing a bully torturing others, and suddenly it become hilarious because the bully is smaller than the victim? Suddenly it become funny because the bully is a cutesy? AAARGH, no wonder our world is so FUBAR!!
That's why I am really in heaven when I read that some artist shows what happen if those cartoons used real-life logic. I am sure I am delighted for ALL the wrong reasons, but what can I say, somebody needs to teach these bullies some lessons! So, here is the link to that exhibition.
Don't get me wrong, I love black humor, I love Schadenfreude too, but ... this is just cruel! It is like seeing a bully torturing others, and suddenly it become hilarious because the bully is smaller than the victim? Suddenly it become funny because the bully is a cutesy? AAARGH, no wonder our world is so FUBAR!!
That's why I am really in heaven when I read that some artist shows what happen if those cartoons used real-life logic. I am sure I am delighted for ALL the wrong reasons, but what can I say, somebody needs to teach these bullies some lessons! So, here is the link to that exhibition.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Sorry ... I need to shot my ribs 3 times with a 9mm to induce physical pain strong enough to overcome the mental pain those #10 - #2 abominations inflicted to me, and above all, to prepare me for the biggest one. Here we go ...
Finally ... the most DESPICABLE, the most HATED, the most DISGUSTING character for me is ...
 |
| A picture of the bitch. From German Suzumiya wiki |
Type: Egocentric-holier than thou-bully-überbitch
From: Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi anime
My younger brother love anime/Japanese animation. Sometimes I watch some of his collection. One of those anime is Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi. Boy, this series really pissed me off! After some minutes, I had to leave the room without saying anything, because if I stayed for another second there, or if I opened my mouth, I was sure that I will explode and throw this crap into a wood-chipper! All of that because of the primary character, the nexus of the whole series: a bitch named Suzumiya Haruhi.
Seriously, she is even WORSE than that annoying Bunny! Fuck it, she is WORSE than all 9 characters above COMBINED. She is arrogant, self-centered, bossy, and inconsiderate. In essence: she is a sociopath. Seriously, read that wikipedia link, if she is not a sociopath, she tries REALLY HARD to be one. For example, she blackmail the computer's club president with a fake sexual harassment photo to got free computer, routinely exploited the sexy time-traveler, and she ALWAYS accepted ANY competition over the protest of others, only to torture her compatriots during the preparation for the contest since she is a perfectionist bitch.
What made her worse than Bugs or Jerry or any other cute-bully that I lumped together in #2 other than her sociopathic mentality? Simple, the writer of the show made her essentially a goddess that has to be pleased to avoid cosmic disaster in her world. What? That's why an Esper, a time traveller and an alien flock to her. Only the male protagonist, an "ordinary" male student called Kyon, stand up to her ... but looks like he gave up in doing that consistently after sometime. No, Kyon and other friends of her don't have any choice, since every time she is unhappy, a cosmic disaster occurs.
And remember when I said that this bitch is so competitive? Many episodes of the anime goes like this:
1) This bitch pissed off some guys/girls
2) Those guys/girls challenged her into a contest
3) She asked all of her "friends" to help her defeat them
Of course it is a no contest. What do you expect when you put an Esper, a time-traveler and an alien in a competition with ordinary humans? Fuck it, even if they can't won the contest fairly, they cheated anyway, since if they lost, Haruhi will throw a tantrum and start ripping time-space continuum. It's only about time they won it, and of course Haruhi, being an überbitch, exploited her victory and boasted how other humans are inferior!
So, if you really love to see a whiny omnipotent sociopath (Wannabe?) surrounded by demigods who were forced to be sycophants to her, you will LOVE this character. If I am one of her "friends" I will said: "Fuck it sideways. This universe is not worth saving. Hey bitch, listen, this universe depends on YOU!! Grow up and be a better person if you want to live! What, you dislike it? TOUGH LUCK!"
Seriously, she is even WORSE than that annoying Bunny! Fuck it, she is WORSE than all 9 characters above COMBINED. She is arrogant, self-centered, bossy, and inconsiderate. In essence: she is a sociopath. Seriously, read that wikipedia link, if she is not a sociopath, she tries REALLY HARD to be one. For example, she blackmail the computer's club president with a fake sexual harassment photo to got free computer, routinely exploited the sexy time-traveler, and she ALWAYS accepted ANY competition over the protest of others, only to torture her compatriots during the preparation for the contest since she is a perfectionist bitch.
What made her worse than Bugs or Jerry or any other cute-bully that I lumped together in #2 other than her sociopathic mentality? Simple, the writer of the show made her essentially a goddess that has to be pleased to avoid cosmic disaster in her world. What? That's why an Esper, a time traveller and an alien flock to her. Only the male protagonist, an "ordinary" male student called Kyon, stand up to her ... but looks like he gave up in doing that consistently after sometime. No, Kyon and other friends of her don't have any choice, since every time she is unhappy, a cosmic disaster occurs.
And remember when I said that this bitch is so competitive? Many episodes of the anime goes like this:
1) This bitch pissed off some guys/girls
2) Those guys/girls challenged her into a contest
3) She asked all of her "friends" to help her defeat them
Of course it is a no contest. What do you expect when you put an Esper, a time-traveler and an alien in a competition with ordinary humans? Fuck it, even if they can't won the contest fairly, they cheated anyway, since if they lost, Haruhi will throw a tantrum and start ripping time-space continuum. It's only about time they won it, and of course Haruhi, being an überbitch, exploited her victory and boasted how other humans are inferior!
So, if you really love to see a whiny omnipotent sociopath (Wannabe?) surrounded by demigods who were forced to be sycophants to her, you will LOVE this character. If I am one of her "friends" I will said: "Fuck it sideways. This universe is not worth saving. Hey bitch, listen, this universe depends on YOU!! Grow up and be a better person if you want to live! What, you dislike it? TOUGH LUCK!"
P.S.:
So, many people thought that violent video games like Grand Theft Auto triggered psychopathic behavior. Naah, that's not true.
Just check me, I never play Grand Theft Auto. Not even once. Nevertheless, after finishing this writing, I am going to go to the Santa's North Pole factory and butcher every SINGLE living BEING there; catch those fairies and deep fried them; give Bella's & Edward's wedding party date and address to the Belmont families, Van Helsing, and Blade; send the Teletubbies to a slaughterhouse; watch Elmer Fudd shot Bugs Bunny dead and break that annoyin rabbit's neck for the 1000th time; and finally correct Einstein's relativity theorem to be able to slip to the anime world to peel the skins of Haruhi's face while hearing her screaming, then put that bleeding bitch inside a body-bag together with a honeybadger, high-on cocaine chimpanzee, and a rabies-infected Pitbull Terrier, then and only then I can close the body bag, tied it to a ship anchor AND throw it to the Challenger Deep while watching her world implodes. That sounds fun!
So, conservative parents, take note: violent video games never creates violent tendencies and behaviors. Annoying characters does!!
P.P.S:
Anyone wants a Teletubbies steak? Or a fairy chip? Or an elven burger? Anyone?
Just check me, I never play Grand Theft Auto. Not even once. Nevertheless, after finishing this writing, I am going to go to the Santa's North Pole factory and butcher every SINGLE living BEING there; catch those fairies and deep fried them; give Bella's & Edward's wedding party date and address to the Belmont families, Van Helsing, and Blade; send the Teletubbies to a slaughterhouse; watch Elmer Fudd shot Bugs Bunny dead and break that annoyin rabbit's neck for the 1000th time; and finally correct Einstein's relativity theorem to be able to slip to the anime world to peel the skins of Haruhi's face while hearing her screaming, then put that bleeding bitch inside a body-bag together with a honeybadger, high-on cocaine chimpanzee, and a rabies-infected Pitbull Terrier, then and only then I can close the body bag, tied it to a ship anchor AND throw it to the Challenger Deep while watching her world implodes. That sounds fun!
So, conservative parents, take note: violent video games never creates violent tendencies and behaviors. Annoying characters does!!
P.P.S:
Anyone wants a Teletubbies steak? Or a fairy chip? Or an elven burger? Anyone?
P.P.P.S:
Seriosly, nobody want to try the steak, chip, and burger? They are so sweet that I have no need for sugar and sauce, are you sure you don't want some?
No comments:
Post a Comment