Homage to the Best Guerilla General

From Bundesarchiv

Let's start this article with a pop quiz: who do you think deserved to be called "the best guerilla leader"? I bet most of you answer with Mao Zedong from China, Vo Nguyen Giap from Vietnam, or the more romantic Che Guevara from Argentina.

Nope. They can't hold the candle to my choice: Paul Emil von Lettow-Vorbeck (1870-1964). I am sure most of you are baffled by that name, since most history curriculum sucks. So, let me inform you about the awesomeness of this badass.

Conventional War

He was born in Saarland, Germany, 20th of March 1870. He became an Imperial Germany officers and was send to German's East Africa colony, today's Tanzania. Then the first World War begun. He knew his position sucks, since the British, France, Belgium, and Portuguese colonies surrounded his territory. The governor tried to appease the Allies by trying to be neutral. Wimp. Lettow-Vorbeck had none of this and prepared his troops.

When the British forces attacked the busy port of Tanga, he kicked their ass so hard that local bees even supported him! This happened despite the fact that British forces outnumbered the Germans 8 to 1, and they also out-gunned the Germans, since only after this battle Lettow-Vorbeck managed to arm his African troops with modern rifles.

After Tanga, Lettow-Vorbeck kicked the British' arse again in Jassin. But he was aware that his inferior number would make conventional warfare unsustainable.

The Guerrilla

He switched gear and started recruiting more African soldiers, and surprise, surprise, African officers! He even proclaimed that "We are all Africans here"! As we shall see decades later, this act of egalitarianism was not based only on pragmatism.

Back to the military aspect. His plan was simple: tied up as many Allied soldiers as possible. He made sure that the Allied couldn't ignore him ... by raiding the Allies' forts, railways, and anything that matters. The Allies upped the ante, sending their badass, J.C. Smuts to lead the counter-guerrilla operation. Important note here: Smuts was also a master guerrilla too. Previously, he had lead Boer Commandos against the British in the Boer War. Lettow-Vorbeck was up to the challenge. 

Even after Smuts takeover the British command, Lettow-Vorbeck kept alluded their forces ... and kicked their ass everytime they met. Seriously, this bad-ass turned his entire army into nomadic brigands, and started a strategic withdrawal, while humiliating the Allies in every encounter. 

There is a military adage: "Amateurs speak about strategy, masters speak about logistics." The worst obstacle for Lettow-Vorbeck was exactly that: logistic. His solution: kicked the enemies' ass, and take their ammos, medicines, and foods. 

There is also another apocryphal story about Frederick the great, I believe. When one general praised him as "the best general of all time," he shot him down by saying "not exactly. I have never been tested by a strategic withdrawal." Amen. Being attacked, harassed, and surrounded by overwhelming enemy is indeed a litmus test for the quality of a general. In Lettow-Vorbeck case, maybe it was similar to Rorschach situation in the jail. Even though outnumbered and outgunned, he was the one who truly harassed the Allies, not vice versa.

In the end, Lettow-Vorbeck surrendered at 28.09.1918 because of the armistice in Europe. He was still undefeated at that time. If the war were continued, it is believed that he could manage to reach friendly territories, achieving strategic victory. Damn, he can easily get the title "The Best German General" too!

Post 1st World War

But WAIT! His bad-assery was not over yet!

He was so badass that Jan Smuts befriended him once the war is over.

He also refused to participate in politics, and heavily distrusted Hitler and his Nazi party. Remember when I said that he is an egalitarian? Looks like that was one of his reason. 

Amazingly, Hitler offered him an ambassadorial position. Lettow-Vorbeck reaction? He said "Go fuck yourself" to der Führer. Oh sorry, according to his nephew, he was NOT that polite. Yes, he insulted der Führer with the worst words imaginable and still alive! The Führer put his house under surveillance and throw other b.s. to him, but he is so badass that Hitler didn't dare to jail or kill him. If that is not an example of bad-assery, I don't know what is.