Scientists, Artists, Heaven, and Hell

"The greatest joy in Heaven is in watching the torments of the damned in Hell--a spectacle far more pleasing than any upon earth."
-- Tertullian in De Spectaculis

Yahweh is pissed. Many scientists are atheists who reject His existence. On the other spectrum, many artists also rejected religion and some even blasphemed His name because of their free-spirit and "everything for art" mentality. He decided to send them all to hell.

After some time, He noticed that more and more people are eager to go to hell. Many who have the right to go to heaven even rejected it, and chose Hell. He decided to pay Satan a visit, and what He saw appalled Him.

Hell became a very beautiful place. Full with music, marbles, fountains, etc. People in hell partying all the time. All kind of parties in different palaces or outdoor settings. Discos, eating buffet, LAN-party, etc. Only very few were tortured in some dungeon, and ... they keep asking for more torture, not asking for mercy. Furious, He approached Satan, and this dialog started:

Yahweh: What the hell is this?

Satan: DUH, yes this is Hell, should I explain the obvious?

Yahweh: This doesn't look like Hell.

Satan: Oh, you don't like this "Workplace improvement"? This is all thanks to thou! 

Yahweh: Me?

Satan: Indeed, so let me say these words that I previously thought impossible for me to utter: thank you God for giving me such blessing!

Yahweh: What trickery did you do?!

Satan: No, no, not trickery. I never initiated it. It was you who created it, indirectly. Remember when you send all those nerds with thick glasses here? When they arrived they instantly spot it: this unquenchable fire is a source for infinite energy! After millions of experiments and thinkering, they figured how to isolate the heat and harness it. Yes, there are some mechanical failures here and there, but usually we are fine.  After those geeky nerds invented and maintains this technical wonder, those hippies started to do their magic. That's why we have all this beautiful fountains, musics, and so on! Thanks a lot dude! Without those nerds and hippies, I won't enjoy this job like now!

Yahweh: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! Now people are eager to go to Hell!!

Satan: Dude, do you remember our previous arrangement? You complained that so many assholes did good only because their fear of hell, and love of heaven. What a bunch of hypocrites you got there! Now that is no longer the case, from now on only your hardcore fans go to heaven! Hey, you got quality over quantity dude, why the complain? Think positive! Just embrace it and be grateful!

Yahweh: This is wrong on so many level! Hell is for infinite torture, heaven is for infinite reward! You and those nerds and hippies are acting way out of place!
Satan: Dude, chill down! Nobody here bothering you or your heaven when we enjoy our parties. Our world here is sound-proof! What's the big deal?
Yahweh: Are you kidding? The fact that they are neither tortured nor miserable bothered me and many pious followers of mine!
Satan: Woa, woa, so ... our misery is essential for the happiness of heaven?  Let me get this straight, you are against this because you want to torture people in billions infinitely and see them suffer?

Yahweh: That's the entire point of Hell! Do you think I create this to make a Disneyland? Everyone know that! How dare you NOT to torture those people!

Satan: Dude, I am a sadistic bastard who love to see people suffer, but I am also a selfish bastard. Look, if I still torture them after they provide such upgrade for my office, everything will falling down. I am sneaky as a snake, but not an omni-scient being who can maintain this wonder indefinitely. Those nerds ... they are nasty human, you know that right? They will figure it out how to screw my if I screw them first. 
That's why my selfishness trumped my sadism, that's why I let them enjoy their eternity here in good atmosphere, as long as I can enjoy it too. Relax, there are so many things to enjoy in this universe! Like ... torturing those masochist! You have to see them dude, they ASKED to be tortured! That's why you still see some were still tortured.
Yahweh: How dare you telling me what to do! I have ordered you, and millions, BILLIONS of people have to be tortured for eternity, not a fraction of it, not because they ask it, and that is final!
Satan: (Shaking his head.) Until today they still call you the good one? Hey, who is your P.R guy, I really want to meet him!

Yahweh: That's it, this has to stop! 

Satan: (Laughing his ass off.) What do you want to do? Sue me? Before the first scientist or artist was born, you already send every single lawyer here!

Yahweh: I'll see you in court.

In the court, every single lawyer were in Satan's side. When they called for "expert witnesses," they have infinite numbers of scientist who objectively prove Satan's point. On the other hand, all witnesses from Heaven are dismissed because they refuse to give any coherent testimony, they only start praising Yahweh. But those witnesses are not needed. The judge and jury have conscience. They don't think that infinite torture is a good think to be upheld  In the end, Satan can keep his Hell, and Yahweh got a court's order to stay away from Hell. Thus from that day, he and Hell's population are  free from infinite torture.

What? Do you expect me to say that they live happily ever after? Hey, don't denigrate escaping from infinite torture! That is at least as valuable as "live happily ever after"! Especially when He who wants to torture you infinitely has good PR, millions of fanatical followers, and omni-in so many ways.

As for Yahweh, Tertullian, and many heaven's population ... they lost their "live happily ever after" status, because they can't watch the misery of hell anymore. Founded upon the torment of others, such happiness crumble once the torment ends. That is what I call a good ending!